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I Was Not Built to Break
Reflections — May 7–19, 2021… A routine procedure and planned two-day hospital stay, turned into multiple surgeries, 24 hours on a ventilator, 17 1000 mL bags of fluids, 11 units of blood (enough to replace an average-sized person’s entire body), countless pricks, needles, tests and scans to bring me back — but the fight didn’t end there. I used the phrase “bring me back” because there is still a span of about 72 hours where my memory is empty or vague; I feel like I left.
Physically being rebuilt also funneled in a need for mental repair. My spirit was broken, my drive was missing and my passions were forced into hiding. Six months ago, I was recovering from a fight to live.
“All dramatics aside, I almost died.”
As I reflect on the 12 days I spent in the hospital, 8 of which was time spent in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU), I can truly relate to Whitney Houston’s song “I didn’t know my own strength”.
Today, November 30, 2021, I celebrate my 41st birthday, themed “Unbreakable”. This year is more special than the 40 years before because I got to TRULY know my own strength. There are many definitions of the word ‘strength’. Similar to resilience and fortitude, I’m referring to strength as defined by the Oxford Languages Dictionary as “the emotional and mental qualities that are necessary in dealing with situations or events…
